I went to see a Shakespeare show
In the operahouse two weeks ago
And since that night
I never felt the same.
'Twas a dreamy, dopey, sad affair
Of a gent' with disappointed hair,
The programme stated Hamlet was his name.
He seemed to be asleep and looking for a cot,
When he said to be or not to be
I felt like saying not.

Hamlet was a melancholy Dane,
Hamlet was a melancholy Dane,
I tried to laugh a little but there wasn't any chance,
He didn't sing a song or even do a funny dance.
Hamlet was a melancholy Dane,
Why he wouldn't give Omega oil a pain,
He was icy and frapped
As a Boston college maid
For Hamlet was a melancholy Dane.

He had the greatest chance you see
To introduce a specialty, I felt like yelling "Ham" it's up to you.
For instance in the graveyard scene
To keep poor Yorick's mem'ry green
A verse of Mister Dooley ooley oo.
He picked up Yorick's skull and said I well knew thee,
Just then the band began to play
I'm t-i-r-e-d.

Hamlet was a melancholy Dane,
Hamlet was a melancholy Dane,
He looked just like a fellow who had trouble with his wife,
Or a Brooklyn man that pushed a baby cariage all his life.
Hamlet was a melancholy Dane,
No wonder poor Ophelia went insane,
Perhaps 'twas salary
And he didn't get his pay
For Hamlet was a melancholy Dane.